I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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