Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
