Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
