I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
