bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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