professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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