This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
