Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
