My friends, they love my intelligence
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
