It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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