I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
