ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
