as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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