Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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