i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize