I'm pants shitting drunk right now
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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