Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
either way he was missing a nipple.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
