Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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