So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
