New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
