I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
