She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
