i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize