i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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