It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
