we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
