literally had 100 drinks last night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
