oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
