What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
