You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
