Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
