did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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