I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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