i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
