dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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