Quick, to the slutcave!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
