We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
