Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
