i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize