This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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