I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
