1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
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