She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have tasted many bathrooms
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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