I need help removing her.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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