Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
