he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
