did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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