fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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