You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
