I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
