4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
