Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
