Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
