he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
