I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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