if only i could text you this smell
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
