I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Mom said you looked used
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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