She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
