dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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