Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
