now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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