he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
